Friday, 27 February 2009

I'm not going to post the pictures from this weeks art class. I was starting a nasty bug and wasn't in top form to start. Yes, I'm one of those jackass' that goes out sick to spread the love. I wasn't going to be up close to anyone so I thought they'd all be safe. The second reason they didn't turn out I believe was that my brain was terribly confused. We all have bad art days, but with other external influences added on to a bad day things just tend to snowball.

Wednesday was "female shoulder girdle" class. We were to focus on that area of her body the most while creating the drawings. Her poses would accentuate this area of her body.

She walked in the room. Tall, over 6' I'd say. Extremely long and lank. She is a model as well as a nude model. A dancer and I believe possibly a contortionist. She did her stretching exercises prior to the class. For this she undressed the upper half of her body. I've never seen a model stretch before posing and I was impressed. This seemed like a sensible thing to do! She walked around with absolutely no shame whatsoever. Like a naked babe playing in the pool, she would go in front of the door, window without concern.

Her face was beautiful. Flowing burgundy hair, manicured nails, deep voice, small hips, small know where I'm going with this by now don't you. She completed the disrobing process and yes, she still had some male parts.

No matter how hard I tried the images were very masculine. I finally settled in the last drawing to something in between. Her limbs were so long and slim, with large hands and feet that it was hard not to capture her masculine features and accentuate them.

I brought the drawing home and asked each family member whether they thought it was a boy or girl. There were no breasts or genitals showing in the drawing. Two said girl and two said boy. 3 of 4 who is 9 years old said,
"I think that person is both."

There is the next artist in the family!

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

I've started hanging some of the exercises from my art class in the basement. I spend a half a day a week at the art school. (hey, shut up! I'm new at this.) We have a live model for each weekly class. I'm hoping they will inspire me to actually take some time to draw similar style drawings from a program I purchased which provides like models. (I refuse to use the correct name "n*de", as it seems to bring all sorts of crazies to the site. Okay, other than the regular crazies I mean.)

One of the models is shown in the accompanying book looks like a clone of one of my brothers-in-law. At least, as far as his less personal areas that I am familiar with. I don't know about the rest. No offense, but I don't want to see the rest and I think I may just skip that particular model.

Mr. P. asked me if they should be hanging where the kids can see them. Normally I'd say he was right, but with all of the art books around and me explaining about the beauty of the human body in art I'd be a hypocrite to hide them. I have however covered the models dangly bits to post here as to not offend any readers sensibilities. If I wanted to properly cover him I guess I should probably have used two sticky notes.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Freedom And All Her Perks

I've spent more time either skating or watching skating of late than I have in many years. By watching skating I mean I attend the skating events held at the rink across the street from the kids school. They require a certain number of parents to tie skates and stand around looking like they actually are concerned for the kids welfare and are therefore keeping track of them. They do this once a week, which translates into 3/4 of the day for me since I have 3 at that school.

I had to laugh last week when young Freedom was being reprimanded by the teacher for knocking down another student. She just shrugged her shoulders and skated on. Now names have been becoming very unusual in the last few years and I kind of thought that Freedom was an odd name to choose for a child. Kind of Hollywood, like choosing Apple, or Moon Unit or other such bizzare choices. As it turns out, Freedom was a pretty good fit for this kid.

The next pass around the rink Freedom skated like a roller derby queen at break neck speed and took down a fellow student yet again. The perplexed teacher pulled her aside again and asked why she was being so inconsiderate of other skaters. Freedom simply replied,
"That's how I stop. I don't know how to stop any other way."
"But you'll hurt the other children. You have to slow down and learn how to stop without using them as a cushion." the teacher instructed.

Now, I didn't actually see what happened next, but a small group had gathered around a hurt child sitting wailing on the ice with a guilty looking Freedom standing at her side telling the teacher,
"I didn't do it!"

I guess with a name like Freedom, you are free to do pretty much anything you want.

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Hooker's Beavertails

We managed to get out and skate on the canal again for Winterlude. Of course, when you have children the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a Beavertail at the end of the skate, with hot chocolate of course. Even Ms. Vicki managed to get something out of it. We picked her up a pin since she couldn't make it.

President Obama caused quite a stir when he insisted on shopping on the By-ward market when he was in town last week. He also requested a Beavertail and got an Obamatail. I don't imagine he actually ate it. He doesn't look like a fried pastry kind of guy. He doesn't know what he's missing. They taste best when served right away. Now that I'm not so young, I also don't need to eat them anymore but can enjoy them vicariously through my kids. They don't get the Obamatails though. Just sugar and cinnamon. Somehow whipped cream just seems so wrong.

Thursday, 19 February 2009

This Means War

"Does your daughter have a high sugar diet?" he firmly asks.
"No!" I answer in kind
"Does she drink juice?" he queries.
"Yes, but only at breakfast and then she brushes her teeth right after." I say with a sigh.
"Does she eat bread?" He shoots back.
I just stand there with my mouth agape and reply, "uh, YA! She eats sandwiches for lunch at school."
"Well you know, bread is carbohydrate which causes tooth decay!" the dentist reminds me.

"And your eyeglasses are weakening your sight with each passing year so you may eventually be blind, so maybe you should stop looking at things." Okay, I didn't actually say that but.... MORON! Beets, corn, carrots, fruit....what, should we give those up too? How about spinach!!!? Maybe a piece will get stuck in her teeth and sit a little too long and cause some bacteria to built weakening the enamel. Maybe she should stop eating those too! Maybe we should all stop eating everything except cheese and sugarless gum. Then we can all go around with with a beautiful smile and chronic constipation! IDIOT! High fibre bread may be a carb, but it's also a, HELLO, part of a healthy food group.

I can't believe these people. I shouldn't have gone back. I did the responsible thing and went to have a cavity filled. I put up with the morons lecture. I even made up with the insulting hygienist. I bit my tongue and went to take a seat in the waiting room as he filled her tooth. I wasn't prepared for what came next!

"......he was 9 years old. It was unbelievable! If I was her I would be HIGHLY ashamed of the state of his teeth!" said a different hygienist from one of their other offices quite loudly.

What happened next was great. Apparently the wrath they suffered from me after my last visit was still sitting uncomfortably with them. The two receptionists froze and visibly stiffened. Next all I could hear were whispers. Lots and lots of whispering. The visiting hygienist left, but not before sending me a look laden with daggers as she passed by. I gave back what she dished out.

"......well, Mr. Monster tongue needs to come back for another appointment......" the dentist joked with the staff. Unfortunately Mr. Monster tongue had just left and wasn't there to hear his new pet name.

I was cordial with the receptionist. She had been the one to deal with my complaint after the last visit. She had not actually been there the day I had the rant, but called me the next to get my affairs in order. I told her then I would be looking for a new dental office. I made the mistake of going back because the work needed to be done before the end of the month. I think now I'll need to fire off a letter to the owner of the office. He doesn't actually work there and probably doesn't care, but just in case he does.

I understand that workplace conversations happen, but one should always be aware of how you act in front of customers. You are representing the business and breaching confidentiality isn't a good way to keep customers.

I'm sure they had a fine laugh after my rant the other day.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

I Apologize Profusely .....

.....but I just have to rant or I'm going to have a stroke or something.

Today was the glorious day that I had to bring 2 and 4 of 4 for their semi-annual dental check-up. It was also a new hygienist. This office changes staff like some people change underwear so I wasn't overly surprised to see someone new.

After 4 of 4's cleaning I was called before the dental hygienist. She has always had perfect teeth up until now. The conversation went something like this:

"Ms. Chocoholic, I did the cleaning and found there may be "cavities" in your daughters mouth." she pretty much whispered this.

"Uh Huh...." I replied suspiciously.

"I also found lots of plaque and some ..... [gasp] tartar!!!!" she said wide eyed.

"Okay....." I again replied

"She is going to need to start flossing!!! You know, floss. Do you know how to use floss Ms. Chocoholic?" she asked in her most serious condescending voice. "....and she should be using a toothbrush for kids. One with a smaller head, not an adult one! .....and you're going to have to brush them for her."

"I'm 43 friggin' years old. Do you think I've been living on the blasted moon?! Do I look like I've just arrived from a flippin' third world country? Maybe I just fell off the turnip truck!!!! D'uh...what's floss? Do you use it to get the toe jam out from between your toes?! They make toothbrushes for kids? Reallllly? I thought you didn't have to clean your teeth until you hit 40. MORON! I THINK I DAMN WELL KNOW WHAT DENTAL FLOSS IS AND I EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE IT. And we actually have childrens floss and brushes and rubber tip stimulators and sulca brushes, not to mention the blue dye that shows them any spots they've missed so they can brush again. One of the kids actually has an electric toothbrush that sings a Hannah Montana song for two LLLLLLONG minutes each time she brushes her teeth!!!? And since I'm supposed to brush her teeth, ya want I should wipe her little bottom too when she goes for a poopie?" Okay, I didn't acutally say this but ruminated all the way home. I meekly replied,

"Yes, we even have the special little flossing sticks for the kids and each child does have a child's toothbrush not an adult one." I said as I turned and left the room.

Then 2 of 4 went in. I braced myself. Out of all four of our kids she is the only one who has had cavities. Or at least was. We have a horrible time cleaning her teeth for some reason, but do just the same.

At then end of her appointment I heard her tell the receptionist we'd be setting up their next appointments earlier than previously scheduled once she talked to "the mother."

"Ms. Chocoholic, 2 of 4 has terrible plaque deposits on her teeth." she says in her sternest, you suck at parenting voice.

"It's an ongoing issue, but she does brush and I help her occasionally to cull the problem, but I don't expect that will change. No matter what we do there are always issues." I'm biting my tongue. I am behaving.

"Well, maybe you could start brushing her teeth for her, at least once a week." she glared while she said this.

"I do help her scrape off plaque, but the crazy stuff just keeps acomin' back!" I tried to stay calm as I replied.

"Well I have an 11 year old and I even still brush their teeth! We have lots of other kids in here who have perfect teeth and have no plaque whatsoever....." she says turning away as to not meet my eye. She must have seen the spark ignite and decided she wanted to see the fireworks, just not be blinded by them!

"I am not brushing my 11 year olds teeth. I will help her, but I WILL NOT BRUSH HER TEETH! She can brush them herself with my occasional assistance or she can GET FRIGGING DENTURES WHEN THEY ALL FALL OUT!!! WHATEVER!!!!" I did say this just before I stomped away.

Our last dentist was extremely pleased with my children's dental hygeine. He had said that they'd have their teeth forever, except that 2 of 4 did have softer teeth. Sadly he couldn't continue on as their dentist.

I was already looking at changing their dentist. Mr. P. thought they seemed to always be looking for something to fill, or do beyond the normal. Their offices always seem quiet and it makes me wonder if they are lacking in a customer base and therefore going that extra mile to make money.

Sadly, I'm sure that she is a wonderful hygienist and seems very nice. I don't like being treated like I'm an imbicile and if I wanted a lecture I'd just call my mother (Just joking MOM!)

If you read through this thinking it was the next step in the coloured pencil painting, well, I'll try to get to that in the next couple of days.

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Ms. Vicki

Well Hello again Darlings!

We've made it back safely although not quite uneventfully. Here I am at the beach. Were you to see a current photo of me you would note that I adorn not the expected one pin, but two!

We had almost landed on the runway when at the very last minute the pilot pulled up quite sharply and whisked us off to another city. Apparently the runway was not at all safe to land on with an unexpected snow storm that made a slippery mess of the runway. We were halfway to Toronto before we even knew what was going on. Oh well, we managed to catch the next flight home and I am even further decorated than was planned.

Until next time,

Ms. Vicki Stripes
Hugs & Kisses