Ok. I realize that I haven't been blogging more than a couple of times in as many months, but it looks like the boring dry spell that is my life may be over! I managed to return to my old ways of humiliation in the face of others! And thank God for that! I was starting to feel normal.
The mailman walked by me on the street today. I had been shoveling and stopped to conference with a fellow stay at home slave...I mean mom, "White Mocha" (I have mentioned her before.) Her humongous dog Pepper was lying in the snow, being part Akita and part horse, he loves nothing more than cooling his boys in a fresh frigid snow. Oh yes, and stalking mailmen.
White Mocha puts a restraining hand on Pepper as soon as she sees the mailman coming a full block away. Can't take a chance with this big fellow. A gentle giant with women and children, he is always on guard when there is a strange man lurking in the neighborhood. He's been known to attach his ample vice like jaws to the behind of a stray surveyor or two.
I watch as the mailman passes and seems to be out of earshot from us when I turn to Pepper, who is alert and ready to pounce, and say,
"Ohhhh! Doesn't he look yummy! Mmmmmmm. Growwwwwllllll!"
The mailman stops dead in his tracks, turns, stares. I, not unlike a chameleon try to change colour to camoflauge myself. Unfortunately the only other colour I can be is red on a white snowy back ground.
He looks embarrassed and answers something in return. Neither White Mocha or I have any idea what he just said. I am too horrified to even be listening. Unfortunately I keep talking.
"I just meant the dog. He was licking his lips when he saw you! He thought you looked yummy I guess. That's not a good sign. No, not a good sign at all!" I laugh nervously, still not knowing what he said in the first place.
"No, not a good sign." he replies as he keeps on walking quickly down the street at a faster pace than earlier.
"I hope he knows I was saying the dog though he was yummy and not me!" I turn and whisper to a now snickering White Mocha.
"He was yummy though!" I won't tell you which one of us said that.