Thursday, 30 June 2005

First Day of Summer Holidays for the Kids

The long anticipated time has finally arrived for school aged children. Summer vacation. As a stay at home parent at the end of the first day I have only one question. How many days until September?

Monday, 20 June 2005

Summer Solstice

Welcome to the longest day of the year....tomorrow on the 21st. Thank you God! I remember a time when I used to look forward to those long hazy days with extended daylight hours. Sitting out at 9:20 pm watching the sunset with a cup of steaming tea. Mosquitos munching all the while, getting their fill of me. Now I am just constantly looking for new ways to explain to my kids why it's bed time even though it's light outside. I am running out of explanations. It seems that a two year old is just not willing to accept that though it is light outside, it is bedtime. Each night while explaining about the legnthening of the days she just laughs and says "that's silly.... it's not bedtime!" How does one explain to an individual who is so short of years and experiences and is still passing through her years of infantile amnesia that the legnthening of days is a normal occurance at this time of the year. What, after all, is a year? She describes things which have happend earlier in the day, week and month as "last night". Her favoured description of the passing of time.
My dog on the other hand is acutely aware of time. He know that Saturday is "pancake day" and greets me at the stove bright and early as soon as I arise. Running back and forth from bowl to stove excitedly when I enter the kitchen. He knows bed time snack time and each and every walk time down to the very second it habitually takes place. He knows the very important hour when he must greet the school bus each week day so that he can perform his very important task of peeing on the tire. He knows the time of the year when he has to go to the vet for shots and a check up. No matter how hard I try, he always figures out that the car ride isn't a normal pleasure trip, but is one that will end in prodding and a needle or two. I only have to show my dog something twice before it becomes part of his routine. Whether it's something he likes or not.
I am convinced that deep down my kids internal clocks also alert them to the passing of time. They just choose to turn away from the cues and fight bedtime, looking for any loophole that they can find.
Enjoy the longest day of the year....June 21st and parents be glad. The days of having to explain why it's bedtime are quickly winding down.

Tuesday, 14 June 2005

Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Brain Gone

Oh where, oh where has my little brain gone
Oh where, oh where can it be?
I just turned my head
YES, that's what I said
And now it's been stolen from me!

Oh where, oh where has my little brain gone
Oh where, oh where can it be
It's not that you'd find
All that much in my mind
Or that theres much of a difference in me.

Oh where, oh where has my little brain gone
Oh where, oh where can it be
It just took up space
But kept my hair in place
Beneath my skull can't you see?

Oh where, oh where has my little brain gone
Oh where, oh where can it be
I just want it back
I'm not giving you flak
I just want it returned back to me

the very end

Friday, 10 June 2005

Another Day Another Dollar

Well, gid'ay all. Another day, another ...... wait! That's right! I don't work for a living. I'm a stay at home mom. I have no relevant job! At least I don't according to our government. My services could be better provided by somebody else in an institution where there are a large number of children gathered together like sheep. The shepherds of these flocks of children can then assimilate them into the Liberal fold. Vote for the Paul Martin government. They can all be trained to be "politically correct" and remove God from their vocabulary. Only then when this is done can I go out and find work at a real job where I can make a small salary that the government can take most of and use to supplement their own questionable activities all in the name of "It's what Canadians want." The worst part of this is that it can all be done with the blessings of much of the Canadian population. To do anything else would be scary! Because the alternative is a party with a hidden agenda. Ooooh! scary!

Thursday, 9 June 2005

For Sale

For Sale. One small, grey gelatinous 1965 female brain. Rarely used. Almost like new. Perfect for any imbecile, idiot or brainless person looking to upgrade only slightly. (Perfect for any man.) Comes fully equipped with extrordinary olfactory capabilities, mother's intuition, chocolate location monitor, and GPS best deal locator. Ability to tune out external stimuli is supurb. All offers will be considered.

Monday, 6 June 2005


Animals are always a good indicator of what the weather outside is like. Even better than the weather network or forcasters. (Ooooh! that's real hard!) Today was no exception. At a temperature of 31 degrees (yes, that's celcius....and no, it didn't melt the igloos up here in Canada.) with a humididex of 37, my dog excitedly walked out the door, turned and promptly walked right back in again. That's when you know it's hot.
I can tell when a thunderstorm is coming too. If I look out and see my dog shaking like a leaf with tail between his legs I know theres a big one coming and one should run for cover!
My plants are still sitting in their containers, wilted and neglected looking. How else are they supposed to look still potted on June the 6th with this heat. What ever happend to spring? I think I must have missed it when I blinked. Complain as I must, I am however glad that we at least have sun. I can work on my sun burn.

Thursday, 2 June 2005

How hot is too hot?

I hate to be one to complain....(snicker) but could you please tell me how one is supposed to even attempt to adjust to going from soggy, dripping wet, chilly days that force one to dress is Autumn attire to "please don't wear your thong around your yard where we (the neighbours) can see you. And by the way, where is your bikini top? Is butt floss an appropriate bathing suit for a woman of your age and ample build?"

Ok. So I don't really own a thong....that I'm willing to admit to. And I do have a shirt and bra on. (otherwise my boobs would be banging on my knee caps. I hate when that happens!) But we were stuck in the house because of the rain. Now we are stuck in the house because my wee ones are burning even with sun screen on.

definition: wee ones=children. (get your mind off my chest)

OK, OK. I know! I asked for the heat. I just wished a few days of 22 degrees or so had come first to prepare me for the transition. I could have had all of my planting done so that I'm not crisping while doing it. I am after all fair skinned.

definition: Fair skinned=ghostly pale with ugly brown splotchy freckles and moles covering
every spare mm of ones body. (Ooooh! how lovely! Nothing's more attractive than a native born, naturally strawberry blonde Canadian, eh?)

I fully expect to develop skin cancer in the next couple of years or so.

Have a fabulous day. Enjoy the sun while it lasts. The way the weather has been this year, I expect we will soon be seeing snow.

P.S. Is there such a thing as a thong with a control top for that belly bulge?